Hello there. I’ve just come from the very odd experience of watching myself on video and realising that not only do I have no idea what I’m talking about, but I also don’t really remember recording the piece at all. I’m talking about my video diary which was uploaded yesterday and in which Gary has noticed some very odd phenomena: a shadow that grows from the left-hand side of the screen across the wall behind me as I speak.
That in itself is an odd thing, as I don’t remember anything casting a shadow – but then I don’t actually remember recording the video diary at all. Jon asked me to record a few words, to get some private thoughts, I suppose, and I recall that I had something very specific I wanted to say, but watching the recording back I realise that whatever I meant to say, I certainly didn’t say it. In fact what I did say appears to make no sense whatsoever.
What I do recall is a sense of relief at being given an outlet, a place to express some of the misgivings I’m having about where our investigation is going at the moment, but in some way that relief seems to have just overwhelmed me. Its very odd – but it, even more oddly, it feels familiar – there have been a few moments in the last couple of days when I’ve felt dislocated from what I was doing – something which I’d put down to tiredness and stress from working on the project.
In fact my sleep has been very broken recently, which does at least mean that I’ve been able to note down my dreams for my dream diary – the most recent being a version of the one I’ve been having since I moved into the house – running around the house looking for someone – although in this case that someone being a figure I thought was our producer, Jon, but who, when I caught up with him, turned out to be the writer Ranulph Williams.
It worries me that I must stay focussed on the project and not let myself get too stressed out or worn out by the television nonsense – the Mazehouse is the thing that matters.